Complete and utter rubbish. That's me as a pap photographer.   Mr and Mrs Beckham were wandering around Nice Airport.  The Beckham boys were on their roller blades and there was plenty of photo opportunity for me.  I was fully armed with my brand new Sony DSC-H1.  But ended up taking this.

I think I can safely lay hold to the title of "taker of the worst pap picture of the Beckhams"

I am gladdened by the exceptional coverage the BBC put out of the winter olympics.  I get home from work, and can put my feet up to watch an evening of curling and figure skating.

None of that, Ice Hockey, Skiing, Snow Board Racing, Taboggoning, Speed Skating, Ski jumping rubbish.

I am so excited with the curling,  I bit off all my toenails.

My friend Matty will be moving to his new house very soon.  Here is what it will look like.

A more up to date adaptation of a photo from a friend’s cheesy web site about their marriage.

What with me being over 40 years old, you’d have thought I would have learnt my lesson by now,  about why it’s not a good idea to play with fireworks.  Alas I haven’t.

If Paul Merton ever invites me to appear on his show on BBC2,  here’s a few things I’d like to send to Room 101.

Joanne Good.

New toilet rolls.

Knots in shoe laces.

Kimberly Quinn.

Whiskers on kittens.

Television programmes about property.

People who pick a fight with me down the pub.

Films that make you walk out the cinema half way through like Pride and Prejudice.

Smelly people on The Tube.

Clipboard wavers who currently infest London.

Getting electric shocks off the telly.

There – finally got it all off my chest!